Weight Resonates

She’s 28 years old, a lesbian, and jaded as shit. She’s very adult, and that’s okay, but I think she feels like because she’s older than me, she knows more than me and so I feel like a silly child around her.

I’m like…

And she’s like…

I like her, but I’m not sure what to do because I’m terrified of her socially. Let’s be honest— I mostly hang out with older people. Most of my friends are at least 22-26, and I get along with them all extremely well.
But, I can’t tell if she likes me or not because she’s so reserved and seems… troubled by the things I do or say. She doesn’t laugh— ever, and doesn’t find any humor in the things I find stupidly hilarious.

I was late to the mall, and she was a little passive aggressive with me ( I think. See?? I can’t tell!) about how she could have eaten much earlier and all this. So, we get to shopping, and I think she feels like I have poor taste in fashion. She made little comments on the shoes I was wearing past a kind of low chuckle that said to me ‘wow, you really wear that shit?’
So, my friend Joedee finally shows up and I’m like SAVED! I can finally be more comfortable! We leave the shoe place and I say to Joe, “Hey, you, you’re a man, carry this.” and BAM she seems instantly upsetted by it. When I begin to bring it up, she says to me: “You’re just taking advantage of gender stereotypes.” Comfort levels begin to plummet. I feel like an idiot. Yay…

Next is Victoria’s Secret. I thought, ‘ok, she’s an adult, she’ll be fine.’ Nope. She seemed troubled by the notion that I even set foot in a place like this. I wanted spray. And everything she smelled made her cringe. God, imagine if I told her I liked to buy underwear and things from there… She’d probably just leave.

So, we run around a little. We go into Express men and she sort of makes me feel bad about the fact that I enjoy a well-dressed man. Huff.

We go to Hallmark, and it was here where I was really unsure of what kind of person I was getting into. I began to talk about how I was attracted to athletic, boyish girls, or girls that were shy and had short hair and were generally cute. She goes off on me here, about how I have to stop looking for the perfect person, because they don’t exist and I’ll never find them, and that I need to learn to accept what I can get or be alone forever. I was dumbfounded, to say the least. I mean, I was just talking about what I was attracted to… Phew.

She opened up a little in the game shop, and was ok in Fossil… But Forever 21 threw her for a loop. She seemed quite uncomfortable, and nothing I said clicked with her.
We end up in a few more stores— Hot Topic, Game Stop, each had their own unique experiences. Then, there was the suggestion to go to California Pizza Kitchen. and I was just like aughhh nooo please. At this point, she seemed quite upset with my pickiness, and this is where she began to take shots at me for being young and not having palette and it’s like bitch, i puke when I bite into something that is textured improperly.

Anyway, we decide to end the night, and we go our separate ways. She ends up texting me later, saying how she’s sorry to be a zombie and all this— It’s really crazy how different she is over text and the internet.

She reminds me A LOT of myself when I was angry and unhappy in high school. Like MORE THAN ANYTHING LIKE MYSELF. Oh, but then I got myself an amazing lover and good friends and now I’m a little more open with myself. Huh, funny how that goes…
 
I promise, life is so much better when you’re not standing around and hating it. I don’t care if you’re 28 or 10. I don’t care how old you are, I don’t care how much bullshit you’ve been through all your life— THIS IS MY FUCKING WISDOM TO YOU, TAKE IT.

So, what do I do? Is she too old for me? What do you guys think?